Stand Up Comedy

Bits from our favorite comics to make you laugh.

    Jim Florentine Tears Up Dating Apps

    Are dating apps really the best way to find your match? Potential spouses are reduced to a photo and a sentence for us to decide in a second to swipe right or left on. There's more to criticize beyond that though--much more--as comedian Jim Florentine recently breaks down in a recent podcast and one of his best yet. Enjoy the audio here:

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    Bill Burr on Women

    Bill Burr

    Bill Burr

    Women are constantly patting themselves on the back for how difficult their lives are and no one corrects them because they want to fuck ‘em.

    -Bill Burr

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    Louis CK on Marriage

    louis"I got married and I told myself that's it...I can't leave now. It's all over. Then I got married, and I was like, 'I could have left!" Marriage is nothing without the kids!"

    -Louis CK

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    Mitch Hedburg on Blocking Fire Exits

    mitch“I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.”

    -Mitch Hedberg

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    Mitch Hedburg on Girlfriends

    "I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would be really mad if she heard me say that."

    -Mitch Hedburg

     

     

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