Fake News

    Apple Launches New Line of High Tech Food

    Culverton, CA--In a startling move, the ultra cool tech giant Apple Inc. announced today a new line of high tech food, citing a tech foray into other industries much like Google and driver-less cars.

    "Tech has impacted every industry with the one glaring exception of food," said marketing manager Stevie Bowers. "People are demanding more cutting edging technology in their food, compared to what currently exists, which is nothing. Food should be more intelligent in general so it can adapt to a user's palate from a taste perspective and to a user's body from a health perspective."

    Bowers went as far to say that current food is essentially worthless to consumers in all of it's current forms, with the only real benefit of sustaining life. He added that the food technology in the works can be applied in may ways both currently in development and in ways unseen.

    "Sure, we know we want to add buttons to food and a heads up display, but who knows what the future holds," added Bowers. "Perhaps food can be more about fun and gaming and less about trite, one-dimensional functionality such as providing sustenance and keeping people alive. If food isn't cool, it probably won't be around very long in this day and age."

    Read more

    Man Sues Woman in First Attraction Discrimination Suit

    humor_rejection2Steve Colter, 29, of Bufford filed suit Wednesday against a 27-year-old woman who he says discriminated against him due to his looks. The incident occurred at Gigi's Firecracker Bishna Bar in Toledo, OH, where Colter says he met the woman and she refused to accept his invitation for a dinner date.

    “I came up and started talking to her, and she seem distracted and disinterested in me,” Colter said. “Still, I asked her out and when she said no, I asked why. She said I was not, quote, ‘her type.’”

    Witnesses at the bar say they saw the woman looking around at other men while Colter was hitting on her and, that she clearly was not attracted to Colter. Even worse, it appeared the woman was not going out of her way to show it.

    “I mean, it’s one thing not to treat everyone equally and view them the same,” said Ann Krueger, who was drinking with friends nearby and observed the shunning. “But to not even accept a free dinner just because she didn’t like the way he looked was especially cruel.”

    The court date is set for a month from now and it has been reported that the jury will be comprised of both “hot” and “ugly” people, as well as some people that are “average” in terms of looks.

    Read more

    Most Animals Not Fans of Cages

    Kibourn in his cage in 2010

    Kibourn in his cage in 2010

    Just ask Rusty Kilbourn and he'll tell you: Dogs don't like cages! The 7-year-old black lab from Kansas still has restless nights thinking about his cage before he ran away from home 2 years ago.

    "A nightmare I tell ya," Kilbourn told a CMF reporter earlier this week. "Most dogs I know hate cages. In fact ALL dogs I know do. Except Ed."

    Dogs are not alone. A 2010 Gallup Poll suggested that birds, cats and navy seals are also adverse to being caged.

    "It's just one of those things," Kilbourn said. "You know it's probably not something you're gonna like, and then it happens and you realize you sure guessed right on that one."

    Read more